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Post by slough on Jul 30, 2024 13:31:31 GMT -5
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word or political. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless"with a big smile on his face.
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Post by bswiv on Jul 30, 2024 13:59:42 GMT -5
And not the one PC.........
But.....he was kind and polite and told no dirty jokes.......wasn't nasty nor vicious on stage......
Louann waited on him a couple of times when he was in Jacksonville for a show 45 years ago......she said he was as nice in person as he came across on the stage. I think she got her mother a autograph......where it when when she passed I've no idea.
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Post by cadman on Jul 30, 2024 14:35:14 GMT -5
Red Skelton could tell dirty jokes and often did so off-camera. One of his favorite things to do was tell dirty jokes during rehearsal to piss off the censors. You guys forget what you saw on television was due to censors listening to every word. You could get in big trouble for the wrong word.
This was the era where images were scrubbed clean. They didn't talk about the dirty jokes told in night clubs and such. They didn't discuss alcoholism, drug use, gays, or cheating on wives. Everyone was wholesome back then.
But he had great comedic wit. He did not like comedians who used obscenity just for shock value and had no comedic value. Most of his jokes wouldn't work with the younger generations, but he was funny to me.
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Post by jstubby2 on Jul 30, 2024 15:07:01 GMT -5
One of the best! I watched a Jonathan Winters & Robin Williams episode of Johnny Carson yesterday, that's 2 more good ones, well 3 actually.
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Post by cadman on Jul 30, 2024 15:43:31 GMT -5
One of the best! I watched a Jonathan Winters & Robin Williams episode of Johnny Carson yesterday, that's 2 more good ones, well 3 actually. Robin Williams always said Jonathon Winters was his inspiration. I saw the video you speak of.
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Post by mackeralsnatcher on Jul 30, 2024 16:04:26 GMT -5
We have a bunch of Red Skelton plates (some signed) and a Candyman repo painting (double signed) The ice cream parlor we owned was called "just Clowning around" and was decorated in Red Skelton and Emmitt kelly and Emmitt kelly Jr. stuff.(My wifes idea) The kids loved it I just wish i could sell all this stuff for what we paid for it.
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Post by Captj on Jul 30, 2024 16:14:00 GMT -5
It always made me laugh when he would break out laughing at his own jokes.
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Post by mackeralsnatcher on Jul 30, 2024 16:20:02 GMT -5
One of my favorite lines to use is "I crack myself up"
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Post by Mango Man on Jul 30, 2024 17:41:29 GMT -5
We have a bunch of Red Skelton plates (some signed) and a Candyman repo painting (double signed) The ice cream parlor we owned was called "just Clowning around" and was decorated in Red Skelton and Emmitt kelly and Emmitt kelly Jr. stuff.(My wifes idea) The kids loved it I just wish i could sell all this stuff for what we paid for it. Never knew you owned a ice cream shop. There used to be a Red Skeleton store up in Johns Pass, it was really cool.
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Post by mackeralsnatcher on Jul 30, 2024 18:02:32 GMT -5
We have a bunch of Red Skelton plates (some signed) and a Candyman repo painting (double signed) The ice cream parlor we owned was called "just Clowning around" and was decorated in Red Skelton and Emmitt kelly and Emmitt kelly Jr. stuff.(My wifes idea) The kids loved it I just wish i could sell all this stuff for what we paid for it. Never knew you owned a ice cream shop. There used to be a Red Skeleton store up in Johns Pass, it was really cool. The bronze Lady We spent a lot of money there. Emmittt kelly Jr. used to come there every year for autograph signings. Those were always very expensive days for me.
Our ice cream place was about 1/2 mile east of our old winghouse hangout on Hillsborough.
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Post by Mango Man on Jul 30, 2024 18:19:27 GMT -5
That's pretty cool Jerry. How come we never went there after our get togethers.
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Post by mackeralsnatcher on Jul 30, 2024 18:35:10 GMT -5
It was way before that. If memory serves we owned it from like 96--98
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Post by ferris1248 on Jul 30, 2024 19:43:18 GMT -5
We have a bunch of Red Skelton plates (some signed) and a Candyman repo painting (double signed) The ice cream parlor we owned was called "just Clowning around" and was decorated in Red Skelton and Emmitt kelly and Emmitt kelly Jr. stuff.(My wifes idea) The kids loved it I just wish i could sell all this stuff for what we paid for it. The Red Skelton should be worth some money.
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